Admissions

2005-10-25-1915-17_edited-1

I feel so alone in this crowded ward ..I was brought in against my will in the early hours of yestermorn
It is now about Noon and the mid-day meal has been brought over to me, on a cold tin tray
Propped up against the iron-framed bed, I am given a heavy  spoon to eat everything with … the letters BLA engraved on its handle, near the top.
No knives or forks …this is an acute psychiatric admission ward

Barley soup, more barley than soup, small cuts of beef, cold potatoes and some peas, rolling around my plate.  I try to balance the tray across my thin thighs
I have lost so much weight
Lying on the precautionary rubber macintosh, with a drawsheet in place.
Beneath me, a thick rubber mattress covered by a thin linen sheet ;

I look down
The visible brickwork is a little unnerving
How old is this place ?

It is all happening again …
It’s not my fault
It keeps repeating itself …the mood I’m in …the confusion of it all
When and how  did it all begin …?